like a name in a fairytale
by closingdoors
Summary: Future-Caskett. Their lives through the eyes of their child, Amelia Castle. "Look how strong you're being about your Mom being asleep for so long, and how much of a good big sister you're being to Atticus. I love you, Amelia. You're so special. You know that, don't you?" COMPLETE.
1. Chapter 1

**like a name in a fairytale**

**I should be writing In The Shallows, but my GCSE results come tomorrow and I'm nervous and desperate for fluff so this happened. (Well, kind of fluff). Also, don't hate me because I like Doctor Who and To Kill A Mockingbird so much I have to reference to them in Castle fanfiction. And, yay for twoshots! Yeah, there'll be another part to this.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Castle or anything like that. I do own Amelia though, kinda, right? I like this kid.**

* * *

They take her to a strange place sometimes. There are new people there, as well as people she sees a lot back at the normal place where she sleeps and eats and laughs at the one who pulls funny faces. One has eyes that are similar to the one who pulls funny faces, and the other likes to make her laugh when he thinks nobody's looking. The place they take her to smells funny, and sometimes the noises are too loud for her ears. When she cries in protest they're all there around her, trying to calm her with soft hugs, but none get it just right like the one who smells nice.

When they're back at the normal place where she sleeps and eats and laughs at the one who pulls funny faces, it's much calmer. There's rarely ever loud noises and the one who smells nice doesn't let any bad smells near her. There's the tall one with orange hair who sings songs to her in a funny voice there too, and lets her play with the shiny necklace around her neck. Sometimes there's another with orange hair, but she's shorter, and her skin is softer. When she is there, she sneaks into her (rather new) room and sings songs to her when she's trying to fall asleep. This one doesn't sing songs to her in a funny voice; it's nice and calm and comforting.

She likes being with the one who smells nice. She pulls her hands from her hair if she tries to grab it, and never lets her anywhere near her shiny necklace, but she still likes spending time with her. This one manages to hug her just right in her arms, even though she herself is barely the length of her forearm. She rocks her real nice, too. Often she finds herself sleeping without meaning to in those arms and suddenly she's waking up in her room in the bed with the bars.

The one who smells nice likes to sit her up like she's a big person on the couch, surrounded by pillows. She likes that. Laying down or being in someone's arms can get boring sometimes, even if she is just a little one.

When they take her to the place with the bright sun and the green grass and singing birds, the one who smells nice laughs a lot more, and the one who pulls faces tickles the bottom of her feet.

They're there when she manages to sit up like a big person on her own, no pillows or couch to lean on. It's a new feeling, but seeing the joy and pride in their eyes is an even greater reward than being able to do it by herself.

She learns to crawl, as they call it. They call her Amelia. When she crawls into places they can't find her they yell her name a lot, until she decides the yells are too loud from her ears and crawl back out. The one who smells nice usually finds her first. After a little while of playing this game, the one who smells nice doesn't yell anymore and finds her straight away. It's not so fun then, because she always seems so angry with her, even though she was only trying to have fun.

They teach her how to walk. The one who pulls funny faces holds her hands and pulls her to her feet a couple times a day, patiently letting her take a couple steps forward. When he doesn't do that and she wants to stand, she likes to grab onto the couch and pull up. The one who smells nice found her doing that once, and laughed in delight, and then suddenly she found her feet carrying her towards her. She was pretty shaky, and just about made it, but the one who smells nice coos beautiful words in her ears and her cheeks are wet in the way that is good.

When she first manages to sort through her happy gurgles and say 'Daddy', which is apparently the real name for the one who pulls funny faces, the orange haired one drops the plate she was carrying and leaves banana on the floor, calling 'Dad! Dad!' over and over again until he bursts into the room looking scared.

They talk for a moment and then Daddy is in front of her, asking her over and over again if she can say it again. So she does. It's clearer this time. 'Daddy.' And he just stares at her for a while, not just into her eyes, but all over her face, her hair, pulling her little hands into his large ones. There are no silly faces now. Just awe.

He seems to like it when she talks, so she happily chirps away for the rest of the day until the one who smells nice gets home. She rises on her still slightly unsteady feet and hurries towards the door she's just entered, feeling those arms lifting her up into one of those lovely hugs that make her insides turn to jelly in a nice way as well as make her feel sleepy. She sits them down on the sofa beside Daddy, lets her bury her face in her neck, and she hears Daddy telling her how she spoke that afternoon. The one who smells nice pulls her face from her neck, stares at her with hope on her face. She looks a little sad she missed it.

So to try and make her feel better she says her name. It takes her a moment, tries to find how exactly she's supposed to move her tongue, but when it escapes it clear and happy. 'Mommy!'.

Unlike Daddy, Mommy's reaction is instant. Her hands curl a little too tightly around Amelia's sides, but she doesn't mind terribly much, and is too interested in the way Mommy's smiling and crying and making sad but happy noises at the same time.

Soon she can say a lot of words. 'Grammy' is easy and rolls off her tongue, just like the 'm's in Mommy. 'Alexis' is too hard and long for her, she can say it but not always, so she settles on 'Lex'. She likes the 'x' in that name, it doesn't come up too much in the other words. Mommy teaches her 'yes' and 'no' and 'please' and 'thank you' while Daddy teaches her 'hello' and 'goodbye' and one which makes him laugh but Mommy scowl. Apparently her yelling 'Apples' each time she gets a little hurt isn't something they've agreed on.

The one whose eyes are like Daddy's teaches her 'Uncle' and 'Ryan', and apparently these two words are both his name, one after the other, which is a little silly. The one who likes to make her laugh when nobody's looking also has two names, 'Uncle' and 'Esposito'. His name is mush in her mouth, but he seems pleased with the way she says it.

There's another who visits the normal place (they tell her it's called 'home') who always smells like soap and bubbles. She has two names too. 'Auntie' and 'Lanie'. These are easy, and whenever she sees Auntie Lanie she likes to yell her name at the top of her voice because she senses that Auntie Lanie likes to play. Just like Daddy, but in a different way.

Mommy teaches her letters, and the order of the alphabet. Amelia's not quite sure what these are used for, or what the alphabet is exactly, but apparently it helps her spell her name. She's not quite sure what spelling is, either, but it makes Mommy happy when she remembers all the letters. There's a _lot o_f letters.

Instead of drawing when she's giving a pencil, Mommy teaches her how to write these letters. Some are easy and some are hard. 'X' is still her favourite. Mommy teachers her how to write her own name, as well as Mommy and Daddy. Amelia is harder to spell, but because it's her own name, she likes that she learnt it first. Mommy seems pleased once she remembers them exactly. Even teaches her 'Alexis', which looks a lot easier than it is to say.

One day she's not allowed to stay at home anymore. Not all the time, anyway. They take her to a room that's colourful and bright and full of toys, and other little people like her. This is called 'Kindergarten'. She can't say that. Even though she's tempted by the toys and the other little people, she doesn't want to leave Mommy or Daddy, has never been without either them or Grams or Alexis before. Mommy seems a little sad, too. Daddy promises her it's going to be fun and she'll make friends. Amelia's not quite sure what a friend is, but Mommy and Daddy and Grams and Alexis are enough for her _already._

Even though she's crying, and Mommy cries a little too, they make her stay there and leave. Amelia's not at all sure why. What did she do to deserve this?

But then there's a woman who smells of clay and painting smiling at her, sitting her down beside a girl with dark skin who's called Natasha. She likes the end of that name. Natasha smiles a lot and they play dolls together the way Amelia and Alexis usually do. After a while they grow bored and Natasha takes her hand and shows her the garden, she doesn't really know what that is but she likes it, and they play games there for so long she forgets she was there in the first place.

When Mommy and Daddy come to collect her, she's sad to say goodbye to Natasha. They tell her she'll see Natasha again soon. They're not lying, and a few days later she does go back to Kindergarten and see Natasha.

She's only been in Kindergarten a little while when Mommy's tummy gets big. Mommy sits her down one day and tells her how she's going to have a little brother or sister. It'll be just like having Alexis, except they'll be little instead, as little as Amelia used to be. Amelia doesn't really remember being little, and Mommy laughs, telling her she still is. She explains that the little brother or sister- the baby- is growing inside her tummy. Amelia's horrified at that. Won't Mommy grow so big she'll explode?

But this is just what happened to Amelia, though. She grew in Mommy's tummy until she was big enough, even though she was little, to be in the real world. This makes Amelia feel a little better. If Mommy's already done this with Amelia then it must be safe.

When she sees Natasha the next day, she tells her all about it. Natasha tells her that's what happened to her Mommy when her little brother was growing inside. Apparently her tummy got so big it looked like it would burst, but it was perfectly safe, and one day Mommy came home with a really tiny little baby just like Natasha and Amelia used to be and the baby cried a lot and slept a lot, but would be more fun when it's older.

Amelia doesn't really like the sound of that. If it cries a lot, Mommy and Daddy and Alexis and Grams will be trying to make it stop. What will Amelia do?

Mommy does grow very big. It's scary. Sometimes the baby pokes through her tummy and Mommy and Daddy get happy about it, kiss the mark it's making. Daddy tickles Mommy's tummy a lot and talks to it. Mommy tries to get her to talk too, says her little brother or sister will want to hear her voice, but she doesn't really want to do that. This makes Mommy upset a little, but she does the kind of upset she does where she doesn't want Amelia to notice but she does anyway.

Alexis, when she's home, sneaks into her room and cuddles her that night. Cuddles with Alexis are nice, but not as nice as Mommy's cuddles, and Amelia feels bad for wishing she were Mommy. But even if it were Mommy cuddling her, it wouldn't just be her and Amelia, would it? It would be Mommy and Amelia and the baby in her tummy cuddling. She doesn't want to cuddle with the baby. She just wants to cuddle _Mommy._

"Amelia." Alexis whispers, running her hands through Amelia's long, dark hair in the way that makes her feel sleepy and safe. "You know your Mommy loves you as much as she loves the new baby, don't you?"

Amelia tucks her head into the crook of Alexis' shoulder. "But Natasha says that the new baby will cry and sleep a lot. Mommy already has to take care of me and do her job. But when the new baby comes, she'll have to do her job and take care of the baby instead, won't she?"

"Oh, no, Amy." Alexis is the only one who calls her Amy. Mommy curls her nose up at the name but lets Alexis do so. Mommy says Amelia is more _like a name in a fairytale. _"She'll look after _both o_f you. And if you ever just want to be alone with Mommy, Daddy or Grams or I can always look after the baby for a little while. But it's not a competition, Amy. She'll love you both just as much."

That makes Amelia feel a little bit better. But a new baby- someone Mommy will love as much as her- makes her feel a little bit queasy. She's never had to share Mommy before, except for with Daddy, but she doesn't mind because she likes Daddy.

Alexis sleeps with Amelia that night, and she feels just a little bit more loved that night.

The baby comes soon after that. She knows because it's Grams who picks her up from Kindergarten that day, instead of Daddy or sometimes Mommy, and there's a happy but scared look on her face. Grams doesn't take her to the hospital straight away. First she takes her home to clean into new clothes- she got paint down the ones she was wearing before- and then takes her out for ice cream. Grams tells her how it takes quite a long time for the baby to leave Mommy's tummy, but should take much longer. Though she still takes her for a walk in the park after, pulls bread from her bag so they can feed the ducks in the pond. Amelia thinks she's trying to distract her.

They only leave for the hospital once Grams gets a text on her phone. Strange. When they arrive, Amelia takes Grams' hand and lets her lead her to the room. Grams walks a lot quicker than normal.

Mommy sits on a bed, looking pale and sweaty and sick-looking but happy, with Daddy beside her in a chair, holding a bundle of blue blankets. Alexis sits beside Daddy, beaming at Amelia. Amelia drops Grams' hand and lets her walk in first, hides in the doorway for a moment.

Grams grins largely at the blankets Daddy is holding. "Oh, he's beautiful, Richard." Grams says, blinking rapidly as her eyes grow wet. Mommy grins at her, as well as Daddy. They all look like they're happy crying.

"Would you like to come say hello, Amelia?" Daddy asks, giving her a choice.

Oh. The baby is in the blankets.

It must be so little. So tiny. Amelia's feet propel her forward to the bundle, stops in front of Daddy to stare down at the tiny, wrinkled face staring up at her. The baby's eyes are the same colour as Mommy's, she notices, and stare right at her. Amelia drinks in the little wrinkles on the babies face, the hands clasp in fists which flail wildly even though the babies eyes are drooping as if it's tired.

Amelia doesn't know what to say, so she looks to Mommy. Mommy opens her arms out for her. Amelia crawls up onto the bed and curls into Mommy's hug in a way that's different to what it's been. Oh. The baby is out of her tummy now. No more big tummy. Strange how she's grown used to that.

"What do you think, Amelia?" Mommy whispers softly into her ear.

Amelia turns to Mommy and smiles. "I think it's okay."

Mommy laughs, as well as the others. She strokes her cheek softly, still smiling. "The baby's a boy, honey. You call the baby a 'He' or by his name. His name is Atticus. What do you think of that, Amelia? Atticus."

Amelia startles a laugh. "That's a funny name."

Daddy grins. "Ah, Amelia. Fierce, brave and loyal. And Atticus. Always fair and always kind. You have good names, kids."

Alexis reaches over to stroke the sparse hairs on the top of the babies head, sighing happily. The baby squirms beneath her touch, not uncomfortable but lively. Amelia stares, wondering. How can Mommy and Daddy know he right names for them? How could they know, when Amelia was as little as Atticus, that she was all these things?

She thinks she knows, when she looks back to Mommy and sees that look in her eyes and the softness of her smile. Love. She knows because she loves them.

"I love you, Mommy." Amelia whispers, fingers curling around the back of Mommy's neck to snuggle close.

She can feel Mommy's smile as she whispers "I love you more, Amelia."

* * *

Amelia still goes to kindergarten. Tells Natasha all about her new little brother, about what his name means to Mommy and Daddy and how he's practically bald even though she only thought old men were bald.

Things aren't too different at home. Not as different as she thought they would be. Atticus _does _cry a lot, but mostly at night, and it doesn't wake her up too much because she's a heavy sleeper according to Mommy, just like Daddy. Though sometimes she does wake up, and hears Mommy or Daddy walking around downstairs, cooing and hushing Atticus. Silly Atticus. She doesn't really know why he's crying most of the time.

One day, when Mommy doesn't come home from work the same time she normally does (Amelia knows the basics of time now, Daddy says she's so clever), Daddy takes them out to the park. Because it's approaching summer, it's still light outside, and Daddy pushes her high on the swings. So high her feet almost touch the sky, and she's laughing. Laughing and laughing and laughing and can hear Atticus gurgling away while she gets those silly butterflies in her stomach. She forgets Mommy isn't there, and the company of not just Daddy but Atticus is enough.

When they get home, Mommy still isn't there, and she has to wait a while for dinner because Daddy is useless at making Atticus' formula. Atticus wails a lot then, hungry and impatient, while Daddy hurries around in the kitchen. Cautiously, Amelia approaches the wailing Atticus and pats his head as gently as she can, whispers to him he'll get his food soon.

Atticus pauses at that, little chest still heaving frantically, tear tracks running down his chubby cheeks. He stares at her, quietly wondering, so she tells him what makes all her family happy. "Love you, Atticus."

She hears Daddy drop Atticus' bottle in the kitchen at that.

Eventually, she does get dinner. Daddy always makes funny dinners. Her mash makes a long nose, her sausages a smile, and the beans make two eyes. Amelia giggles at that, eats it so quickly her stomach hurts but it was so worth it. Daddy doesn't talk much, or eat much, and lets her eat his leftovers. Atticus starts crying again as she does, and Amelia rolls her eyes. Silly Atticus.

Grams come home as Daddy takes Atticus to his room upstairs, and seems to find it's strange that Amelia's eating by herself. Amelia tells her how it's Daddy's leftovers, how Daddy's looking after Atticus, and Mommy isn't home yet even though she's always home before it's dark in the summer time.

Grams looks nervous for a moment, but smiles at Amelia. Her eyes aren't smiling.

Atticus stops crying, and once Amelia finishes Daddy's leftovers he ambles down the stairs, looking exhausted. Grams pulls him into his study, calling over her shoulder for Amelia to leave her plate in the sink and watch TV. That's odd. They all know Amelia would rather read one of the little stories Daddy wrote her rather than watch TV. Regardless, she listens to Grams, and tries to think of why Mommy wouldn't come home.

Mommy catches bad guys. Mommy wears a gun but Amelia isn't allowed to touch it. Mommy lets Amelia play with her badge. Mommy works with Uncle Ryan and Uncle Esposito. Mommy sometimes gets bruises from doing her job, but promises it's not something serious. Mommy says she'll always do her best to come home to them. Amelia doesn't know what she means by that: Why does she have to _try_ to come home? Shouldn't that be something she'll always do?

Grams emerges from Daddy's study without Daddy, and her red eyes means she's been crying. She takes Amelia upstairs, bathes her silently, and Amelia doesn't question it. Tugs on her pajamas and kisses her forehead as she tucks her in bed. She forgets to leave Amelia's nightlight on, but that's okay, because Amelia is supposed to be brave and tells herself she shouldn't be afraid of the dark and the monsters that hide inside.

Amelia's awoken by the sound of Atticus wailing. It's still dark outside. She waits, but nobody seems to be answering his cries. So she slips from bed, creeps across the hallway and into his room. Atticus has pulled himself onto his feet, leaning against the bars and sobbing. He hiccups, seems startled by it, but carries on regardless. Amelia pauses in the doorway, watching him, and he just stands there watching her and crying.

Amelia crosses the room, slips one foot onto the cot to reach in and pluck Atticus from it. Atticus is a little heavy, but she carries him expertly from the room. Atticus goes silent, curious. She understands. They've never done this before.

She carries him into her room and places him on the side of her bed by the wall, makes sure there's no way he could fall off. Then she lies down gingerly beside him, placing a hand on his small chest. Atticus' face screws up as if he's going to cry again, but then she sings to him. Quietly. Happy songs she's learned in kindergarten, and he remains silent, wet eyes blinking the tears away and staring at her.

When she's finished, she promises him in a whisper: "Mommy will be home soon, Atticus."

* * *

Mommy isn't back the next day. Amelia knows she's going to come home soon. After all, in a week she starts first grade, and Mommy was going to be there. Wasn't she? She couldn't be so busy catching bad guys that she'd forget to come home, could she?

"Amelia." Daddy says, pulling her onto his lap that next morning after breakfast. "I need to talk to you about Mommy."

"It's okay, Daddy." Amelia tells him. "I know Mommy loves me more than her job, but sometimes the bad guys make her work longer."

Daddy's face crumples. She doesn't like it. "Yeah, honey." He agrees. "Is that why you had Atticus in your bed last night? You should be careful, Amelia."

Oh. Was he worried she'd hurt Atticus? "I didn't hurt him, Daddy. I made sure he wouldn't fall off and gave him one of my little blankets instead of my big one. He was just crying because he missed Mommy so I gave him company."

Daddy presses a kiss to her hair, and chuckles in a way that sounds like he's crying. "Oh, my little wonderful Amelia. Fierce, brave and loyal. I need to tell you something serious."

Amelia's heart flutters. "Is it about Mommy?"

His eyes look tired and sad. "Mommy is… You remember when she had to stay in hospital for a couple nights after Atticus was born? Because she was tired and hurt a little?"

Amelia nods yes.

Daddy bites his lip. "Well, Mommy caught a bad guy who didn't want to get caught, and they had a little bit of a fight. It wore out Mommy a lot, though. Now Mommy is really, really tired and has to… Um… stay asleep in hospital for a little while."

That's weird. Nobody can sleep for more than a day, that's silly, you'd get bored. Plus, it'd be better for Mommy to sleep at home, in her and Daddy's bed which was big and soft and comfortable. Wouldn't it?

"Will she be home soon, Daddy?"

Daddy doesn't look at her, chooses to hide his face in her hair. "I hope so, honey. I hope so."

Grams says that Daddy might be a bit upset, just like Amelia, about Mommy being in hospital because he misses her. That things might be a bit different in the house now because he misses her so much, and not to get angry at Daddy if he does something wrong. Alexis is going to come stay for a while too, she's going to sleep in the same room as Amelia, just to help out.

When Amelia says that she wants to go to the hospital to see Mommy, Grams tells her Mommy's so fast asleep she won't notice her, and it'll be better to let her rest. But Amelia doesn't understand. How could Mommy sleep so long?

* * *

Two weeks pass, and Mommy doesn't wake up.

Her backpack for school is filled with pens and colouring pencils and all sorts of neat stuff for first grade, and Grams lets her pick out her own clothes, while Alexis braids her hair in the way she likes. They promise her she'll make even more friends, that Natasha will be there, but it doesn't stop the fierce ache in Amelia's heart because Mommy isn't there.

* * *

Atticus starts crawling.

She doesn't know how long she's been at school now, it's very fun, but she thinks a lot of time has passed. So much Atticus has started crawling and gurgling in the way that means he's trying to talk.

When she arrives home one day from school, Atticus is trying to crawl into the coat cupboard, and Alexis pulls him from the floor while laughing and calling him cheeky.

"Melly." He gurgles, reaching out for Amelia.

Both Amelia and Alexis pause, Atticus still bouncing happily in her arms and reaching for Amelia. Alexis is grinning- Atticus can talk! But Amelia doesn't feel happy at all. She knows he means her name. Knows he can't say it whole because he's just little and hasn't talked before. But it's sad because Mommy and Daddy have told her the tale of her first word. Daddy was first. Mommy was second. That's how it usually went.

That's how it's supposed to go.

* * *

Daddy argues with the paparazzi when he takes her out to the park. Just her and him. They've started hanging around a lot more since Mommy started sleeping so much.

The day is fun. He buys her ice-cream, pushes her on the swings but not as high as usual. She doesn't comment, because Grams told her to be patient with him. Afterwards, he takes her to a sweet shop, one she's never been before. It's an old sweet shop, he tells her, as she tries to read off names she's never seen before. Jars of sweets line the walls, so high and so many. It's magical.

He lets her buy as many as she wants. Not too many, though, before dinner. She emerges from the shop buzzing happily, testing out a Rhubarb and Custard.

"You're fun, Daddy." She tells him.

The edges of his lips curl. "Yeah?"

"Yeah. Not just your stories. But you, Daddy. You're fun. So I know Mommy won't be asleep for too much longer, because she'll miss you and your stories for her and your funny faces. Don't worry, Daddy. Mommy will be back soon."

Daddy says nothing but slips a hand into hers and they walk home in silence, the autumn winds curling around them like smoke.

* * *

Her seventh birthday is soon after that. They get her so many presents- Daddy writes her a new story- and give her a cake. Atticus is half-walking now, and clings tightly to her leg when she blows out the candles. Today has been a fun day. It's her birthday and it's fun. Alexis and Daddy and Martha and Atticus are there. All smiles and joy. None of them mention Mommy not being there, and the gaping hole it leaves, so she doesn't mention it either.

"Make a wish!" Alexis reminds her cheerily as she blows out the candles.

She screws them tight shut.

_I wish Mommy would wake up soon._


	2. Chapter 2

**like a name in a fairytale**

**Disclaimer: So yeah I own Castle and refuse to release the Castle at a time that is sane for those living in England. Ah, actually that's _not_ me. That's Andrew Marlowe and ABC. Hm. (Give me a promo NOW.)**

**I've actually _really _enjoyed writing this little two-parter. I'm strangely attached. I'm going to miss it. I kind of loved Amelia Castle, she was fun to write. I hope you've enjoyed it as much as I have. Also, I'm not American, so I have no idea what graduation really is like. I'm improvising here, people. (I also have to stay up till 4am to see the Castle promo.)**

* * *

Atticus' birthday is three weeks after Amelia's, Daddy tells her.

Atticus wanders around the house now. Sometimes he teeters over and lands face-first on the ground, but other than that he charges on his little feet at everything. Instead of walking he chooses to run.

But Atticus likes it when Amelia just sits with him. He gets that happy look on his face and laughs her name. It's a major difference compared to the charging Atticus that bounds around the house normally. Amelia thinks that maybe Atticus is so happy because he's forgotten Mommy. After all, Atticus is only little, and Mommy has been asleep for such a long time.

* * *

"Why don't you buy Atticus as many presents as me, Daddy?" Amelia asks as she pokes her tongue out while drawing Atticus a picture for his birthday.

Daddy smiles slightly. "Atticus is little, so he doesn't want as many presents, and he won't remember this birthday. Do you remember yours, Amelia?"

Amelia pauses, mistakenly begins to chew on the crayon she was using and only realises when Daddy gives her a stern look. As she pulls the crayon from her mouth, she realises he's right. "No, Daddy. But it was special, wasn't it?"

Something she said must've been weird, because Daddy stops wrapping Atticus' presents and looks at her with a sad face. "What do you mean by special, Amelia?"

Huh. What does she mean by special? Well…

"Mommy was there. Right?"

Daddy does that same sad as Mommy- the kind where they don't want her to see that they're sad but she does anyway.

"Yeah, sweetie. She was there."

Drawing forgotten, she climbs to her feet to crawl into Daddy's lap. Daddy's arms are tight around her as she snuggles into his chest, and he spreads that feeling of warmth and safety through her body. (Amelia has learned to grow used to Daddy's hugs instead of Mommy's- she knows Daddy loves her just as much as Mommy but something about Mommy's hugs are always just so much _better _and she really does miss them.) Amelia doesn't speak, because she knows this hug. It's the hug where Daddy's trying to think up the words. Daddy's good with the words. She likes his words. Mommy loves his words. Mommy says she fell in love with Daddy through his words, which makes no sense, but is apparently very romantic. (Or so Alexis says.)

"You know, just because Mommy isn't here right now, you and Atticus aren't any less special, right? In fact, I'd say you two are so much more special. Because look how strong you're being, Amelia." Daddy lets go of her to cradle her face in his hands, staring straight into her eyes. "Look how strong you're being about your Mom being asleep for so long, and how much of a good big sister you're being to Atticus. I love you, Amelia. You're so special. You know that, don't you?"

And Daddy looks so scared. Like her answer is so very, very important. She doesn't see why. She's just Amelia Castle who has a sleepy Mommy, a sad Daddy, and a silly brother.

But she's special.

So Amelia reaches up to kiss Daddy's cheek, smiling. "I know, Daddy."

* * *

When Amelia wakes up on Atticus' birthday, everything is loud and lively and moving. Daddy looks terrified and happy and anxious all at the same time. But then again Daddy always looks a lot of different emotions. Grams is rushing around the house with him, grabbing his keys from the table and trying to help him with his coat. Alexis is walking up and down with Atticus, trying to soothe him as his face crumples and he cries.

"What's going on?" She asks, but it's not heard above Daddy and Grams practically talking at the speed of light, and Atticus crying, and Alexis' mumbles to Atticus.

"Daddy?"

It's not heard again, and then he's racing out the door, pulling on his shoes as he does.

* * *

Mommy is awake.

That's what Daddy says on the phone halfway through the day, while she and Grams and Alexis celebrate Atticus' birthday without either him or Mommy.

But they can't see her yet. She's awake but still sleepy.

Tomorrow, he promises her.

She doesn't believe him.

Not even when he comes home at her bedtime, holds Atticus tightly and whispers over and over again how sorry he is, and looks Amelia straight in the eyes when he promises that they're still important.

Not as important as Mommy, she thinks.

* * *

Tomorrow rolls around and Atticus is now one year and one day. Mommy missed her seventh birthday and her first day of school. Amelia has missed Mommy so much, but as Daddy grins widely at her while placing Atticus in his car seat, she realises that she hates her more. She's missed Mommy and she has always loved Mommy and she always will. But Mommy missed so much because she chose to sleep instead. Amelia hates her. She hates her.

They reach the hospital- she hates the hospital, it always smells funny and it's all too pale and white and boring- and Daddy still hasn't stopped grinning, and babbling away about how Mommy is so excited to see them. Atticus is strangely quiet, and Amelia doesn't hold Daddy's hand as he leads them to Mommy's room. He doesn't seem to notice.

Just as she had when Atticus was born, Amelia pauses in the doorway and watches. Mommy looks even more tired than she had after Atticus was born. He hair is all untidy and her skin is as pale as a ghost. But when she sees Daddy and Atticus she grins wider than Amelia's ever seen before.

Daddy places Atticus on Mommy's lap, and Mommy tries to raise her arms to hug Atticus, but they drop limply by her sides as she sighs. Mommy gives Daddy a look and he moves Atticus for her, in a way that she can wrap her arms around him without really moving at all.

"Hey, baby. Oh, you've grown so big." Mommy whispers into Atticus' hair, just loud enough for her to hear. "I'm so sorry I missed your birthday party, little man."

But Atticus just pats a hand on her neck, mumbling about 'Melly', and that's when Mommy's eyes start crying. Not the happy kind. But not the sad kind either. Maybe it's a mix of both, Amelia isn't quite sure, and it's too confusing.

"You didn't tell me that he can- That I missed him talk." Mommy says to Daddy, and she sounds angry.

Daddy looks down at his feet as he sits in the chair beside her. "He can walk too, Kate." Daddy almost whispers.

And Mommy keeps crying and whispering to Atticus, so Amelia slips from the room and down the hall.

* * *

Daddy finds her barely minutes after she's sat down on the chairs one floor down from Mommy. She'd been happily watching those around her, but Daddy seems really angry and panicked when he finds her. Instantly, he grabs her arm and begins tugging her away from the chairs and towards the elevator. She sighs, but doesn't argue. Parents always win anyway.

Once they're in the loneliness of the elevator, Daddy crouches down to her height and sternly says "Never, _ever _run off like that again, Amelia. You gave me and Mommy such a fright."

"Sorry, Daddy." She says, because she's supposed to, not because she means it.

The elevator dings, and he's pulling her by the hand to Mommy's room. Daddy says nothing more, and she can't tell whether he's angry or not. She doesn't like not being able to tell.

Mommy doesn't look angry when Daddy pulls her back into the room, Atticus still wrapped up in her arms. In fact, Mommy looks anything but angry. She just looks sad. And she's not even trying to hide it.

"Amelia Johanna Castle." Mommy says, and usually her full name means she's in trouble, but Mommy's still crying. Crying more than she's ever seen. "You and Atticus are the most important things in my life. And I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Amelia."

Then everything's okay again. Because all the pieces slot into place, and she knows Mommy never meant to go away. Not really.

* * *

Mommy stays in the hospital for another couple weeks after that, but when she comes home she looks happier than Amelia's ever seen her.

There are these sessions Mommy has to go to, though. Physical therapy, it's called. Apparently Mommy has to go so she can be as strong as she used to be. She isn't as strong as she used to be because she hasn't used her muscles properly in a long, long time. Amelia understands. Daddy takes her to these sessions, and she misses them (she finds it so hard to even go to school now, afraid that Mommy won't come home again) but she knows Mommy needs to go.

Sometimes she can hear Mommy cry.

Sometimes Mommy is alone when she cries. Hidden in the bathroom attached to her and Daddy's room, where she thinks no-one can hear her.

Most of the time Mommy and Daddy are together when she cries. Amelia doesn't mean to walk in on these moments. The first time she'd just wanted to hug Mommy and found her curled into a ball in the shower, doing the saddest kind of crying she'd ever seen. Mommy hadn't seen her, so Amelia had quickly left, knowing that kind of crying is the kind that you need to do alone. And then there was another time when she needed a towel to shower, and Daddy had hidden them all in his bathroom earlier as a joke, and Mommy was crying again. The shower wasn't on. Mommy wasn't curled up in a ball. She had her face buried in one of Amelia's tops, crying slowly. Amelia had decided a shower could wait until later.

Then there were the times with Daddy. The first time she just wanted to kiss them goodnight, because Grams had been the one to tuck her in instead of them. But once she'd reached the closed door of their room, she could hear the crying again.

"I've let them down so much, Rick."

"No, Kate, Kate- Please don't cry. You didn't choose to be like that, and the bastard has been caught and has paid for it. Okay? You're not to blame-"

"And I've let _you _down, too. God, what I've put you through- I couldn't have done it- If- If- If it had been you."

Their conversation muffled slightly, and she couldn't hear them over the sound of Mommy crying, so Amelia pressed her ear to the door and waited.

"I missed his _first birthday, _Rick. My little boy. And I don't _care _that he won't remember. _I will. _And Amelia!" Mommy wailed. "I missed her birthday, too. And her first day of school. I will _never _get the chance to see that day. Do you know how much that it's killing me? Do you?"

Amelia chose to walk away then, because Mommy was making her cry, and she didn't know how to stop. So she went up to her room like the brave little Amelia they always told her she was and put her head under her pillow until the bad things melted into dreams.

* * *

Mommy quits her job.

She quits when she's supposed to go back. Her and Daddy argue about it a lot. Amelia tells Alexis about it on the phone. Grams rolls her eyes and tells the pair of them that they're being pathetic- That it's Mommy's choice, and she can always go back.

Amelia knows that this is important, Mommy quitting her job. That's how Mommy got hurt- on her job. But Mommy loves her job. Mommy does not love her job more than she loves Amelia, but she loves her job.

It doesn't make sense. But just like the crying, she doesn't say anything.

* * *

Mommy goes back to her job.

Amelia is nine when she goes back to her job, three months away from being ten. Mommy goes back on the day that she was hurt. (Amelia now knows that Mommy was a lot more than hurt, Natasha told her all about coma's a year ago, and now Amelia feels so much worse for hating Mommy than ever.) She keeps asking Amelia if that's okay- if she's fine with that. To be honest, she doesn't see why it matters, but she is okay with it.

Later on, Amelia asks a three-year old Atticus if he's okay with it, and he just gives her a silly grin and carries on playing with his toys.

* * *

On every birthday, Mommy cries. The happy kind of crying, with just a tinge of sadness. Amelia understands.

So she cries, too.

* * *

Atticus starts school next year. Amelia starts Middle school this year. For some reason, Mommy doesn't cry on the first day, and Amelia had honestly expected her to. She didn't _want _her to, but Mommy had cried so much since the day she got hurt that is was normal for her to do so at an 'emotional' time (Daddy was the one who told her it was emotional, though she doesn't see why, it's just school).

"My big baby." Mommy whispers to her as she braids her hair. Amelia can do her own hair now- she _is _eleven now, after all- but she lets Mommy do this for her. It seems to relax her. "When did you get so big?"

Amelia doesn't have an answer to that. She doesn't remember getting this big, either.

* * *

When she goes into school, and sits down in her new class with her new teacher but the same best friend Natasha, Amelia knows why Mommy didn't cry.

Mommy didn't cry because she was too happy over Amelia for tears- even happy tears.

It makes her feel all sorts of wonderful inside.

* * *

Amelia's eyes almost bulge out of her eye sockets when Alexis comes to visit for her twelfth birthday in October. Alexis is… _huge. _Like the kind of huge Mommy was before Atticus was born and was still growing in her tummy.

Mommy and Daddy seem shocked, too, and Mommy drags Alexis into Daddy's study. Daddy stares after them for a moment, but then back down at Amelia and Atticus.

Atticus, who at five has now lost both his front teeth, bravely asks (lisp and all). "Is Alexis having a baby?"

Daddy just blinks.

* * *

The next day, Mommy shakes her awake gently, and the mix of that and the sunlight peeking through her curtains and shining in her eyes raises her from her sleep. Mommy's sitting beside her hip on the bed and smiling gently.

"Happy twelfth birthday, Amelia."

Oh.

Amelia had never really appreciated it before- probably because she was so little at the time but now she's big- but she's so glad Mommy is home. She can't bear to imagine what would've happened if Mommy hadn't woke from her coma.

So she flings her arms around Mommy with startling fierceness and Mommy just catches her and lets her squeeze so tight she's sure she can't breathe.

Because Mommy is here.

And Amelia couldn't have asked for more.

That night, when Mommy and Daddy are trying to wrestle Atticus into a bath and he insists on jumping out and running around the house wet and naked and _ew, _Amelia plops herself down next to a pregnant Alexis and tries to figure out what question to ask first.

Alexis stays quiet, hands rubbing at her huge stomach patiently.

"Does the baby have a Dad?"

Amelia thinks of her Mommy and Daddy as such, but never says it out loud. After all, she's a big girl now, they're _Mom _and _Dad _now. Well, not really, but she'll happily pretend.

Alexis sighs.

"Yeah, Amy. Do you remember Tyler? I showed you pictures of him and he was there when we skyped once."

"Oh. Yeah, I remember." She has to admit, Amelia didn't really like him much. Not because he was rude or anything, but because he stole precious skyping Alexis time from her.

"Well, we broke up three months ago, and then I found I was pregnant. So…" Alexis smiles. "Yes, this baby does have a Daddy. But, no, we aren't together."

Amelia frowns, gnaws on one of her fingers as she mulls over this information. She can't imagine Mommy and Daddy not ever being together. It would be weird. Who would be there to stop Daddy pouring ketchup on her marshmallow pancakes?

"That's just the way it is sometimes, Amelia." Alexis tells her, as if she's reading her mind. "It's no more or no less happy than your parents being together, like my own weren't."

Oh, but- "You have Mommy." Oops. Slip of the tongue there. She hopes Alexis doesn't notice that.

Alexis smiles, and her eyes are suspiciously shiny. "Yeah, Amy. I do have Mommy."

* * *

It's another three months when the new baby arrives.

She has the same eye colour as Alexis- Daddy's eyes- and her hair is jet black, contrasting with her pale white skin Daddy claims she must've got from Alexis.

Alexis names her Katherine.

Mommy cries.

* * *

Atticus looks so proud of himself on his first day of school.

His backpack is almost larger than him, his dark brown hair is sticking up on end as usual, but his green eyes (Mommy's eyes, they both have them, and they have Daddy's dark hair) are alight with happiness. Atticus even brushes his teeth without protesting, which is new and strange, but relieving. Because the arguing every morning over it really was getting tiring. Silly Atticus.

She supposes Atticus will always be silly.

* * *

For her thirteenth birthday, she has a slumber party with all her friends at the loft, and Mommy and Daddy suspiciously spend a lot of time hiding away in the bedroom. Mind you, she's felt uneasy about them being in a bedroom alone together for a while. A few months ago, Natasha told her all about sex and what it entailed. Since then she'd never looked at her parents the same way since.

And then Atticus ruins the moment in his six year old glory, running down the stairs and throwing himself into the large bowl of popcorn the circle of girls had in the middle.

* * *

"I don't get it." Amelia moans to Mommy one day as they shop.

Mommy picks up a dress (Really? A dress that short? At her age?), holds it against herself and wrinkles her nose before placing it back on the rail. "Don't get what?" She asks absently, already continuing to browse through the rest of the clothes on the rail beside the one she'd just looked through.

"Well. You named Atticus, well, Atticus because you said he'd always be fair and always be kind. But to be honest, I just find him annoying."

Mommy just smirks. "All girls find their little brothers annoying. It's a fact."

Amelia growls in frustration. "Mom, he poured paint over my favourite dress right before I start high school. I have reasons to find him annoying. He's eight, not a baby."

But Mommy just laughs. "And you're fourteen, not a child, Amelia. So suck it up and we'll buy you a new one."

Some reason that makes her smile. Maybe it's just that she's been recognised as a mature adult, and no longer a child. (Kind of, Mommy did insult her there.) But, she guesses, more than anything, that she's just pleased Mommy will do this- shopping through an endless amount of high street stores- just to find her a new dress to love. Mommy will do anything to make her happy.

* * *

This time- when she starts high school- Mommy cries.

Which is all kinds of embarrassing as she notices people staring into her car.

But she doesn't mind, because she always remembers how close she was to losing her Mommy, and how Mommy had lost her Mom, and these moments are precious and rare.

So she lets her cry.

* * *

Amelia is fifteen and Atticus is nine and Katherine is three when Alexis (finally) gets married to a man named Kyle that she'd been in love with since she met him when she was seven months pregnant with Katherine.

Alexis' real Mommy- Meredith- is there, and Amelia realises she's never met her before. Meredith barely acknowledges her, even as Alexis introduces Atticus and herself to Meredith, and Amelia finds herself inexplicably angry for some reason. Does Meredith not realise how precious this day is? Her _thirty-three _year old daughter is getting married.

But Mommy seems to know how precious this day is. So does Daddy. Though Daddy has terse words with Kyle that night. He's ridiculous. Alexis and Kyle love each other, what would he need to worry for?

Well, Amelia isn't stupid. She knows people who love each other hurt each other. She knows that even her parents- who are the most in love people she's ever met- argue. But never in a million years would they do it intentionally.

(If only Daddy knew about Amelia's girlfriend Sam that she hasn't told him about yet.)

The wedding is beautiful. Alexis is beautiful. Daddy cries, and Mommy just lets tears warm her eyes, and Amelia doesn't even feel ridiculous in her bridesmaids dress. (Auntie Lanie wears it better than her, despite the ridiculous age gap, and she tries not to focus on that.)

* * *

A few nights later, while Mommy is in the bath and Atticus is snoring loudly on the other couch, Daddy wraps one arm around her shoulders and squeezes. She nestles into his side, sighing. Even though she's fifteen and she'd rather kill than tell anyone, she loves these moments. These small, seemingly infinite forever's that just consist of love and warmth and safety and need nothing in return.

"Promise me you won't grow up too soon, Amy?" He sighs, and she can see the age on his face, the wrinkles that he prefers to call laugh lines.

"Uh, about that." She starts unsteadily, and watches as his face slowly drops.

"Amy?"

Amelia bites down on her lip and tries her best 'I am your youngest daughter and you love me' face. "I- I have someone I'd like you to meet."

"Who?"

Amelia laughs, because she can't help it. Daddy looks so comically distraught. "She's very important to me, Dad."

Daddy's face stops being so distraught. Instead he arranges his expression into something neutral and calm. "She?"

"Yes, Daddy. She. As in a girl. Her name is Samantha, her friends call her Sammy, but I like to call her Sam. She's funny and beautiful and so, so important to me. And I hope you're okay with that."

For a moment, her heart stops beating. Amelia isn't ashamed. Not at all. But somehow her Dad _not _being okay with it fills her with dread.

And then he's laughing hard, squeezing her tightly and crying. "Is this you coming out to me?"

"Uh- I- Yes?" Amelia says, unsure as to why he's so delighted, but she's not going to complain.

Daddy pushes her away so she's at arms-length. "And you told me first? Not your Mom?"

Oh. Well, she hadn't told her Mom first because she had the feeling she already _knew _but mostly because she knew that Mommy would love her no matter what. (Mommy's job was important to her. Mommy loved Amelia more than her job. Mommy missed her first day of school and it killed her.) But her Dad? Well, he was no homophobe, but she was still slightly unsure about it all.

"Yeah, Dad. I told you first."

As she says it, Mommy emerges from Daddy's study wearing pajamas and rocking the wet hair look. "Told him what?" She asks as she lifts Atticus' head from the couch to sit in its place, setting it back down in her lap.

She opens her mouth to explain, but Daddy cuts right across her. "That she's a lesbian!" Daddy exclaims, and she flushes brightly.

Mommy laughs. "Of course you'd find that cool."

Daddy laughs, too. "Well, I guess I don't have to worry so much about her getting pregnant."

Amelia raises her eyebrows at him in a _that is not acceptable _way, and Daddy looks rather scared. In the background, she hears Mommy take a picture.

Oh, she loves her crazy, ridiculous family. So, so much.

More than any of Daddy's words could ever describe.

* * *

Daddy finds her poems in her journal one day (_'Honestly, Amy, I was just tidying up and it fell and opened.') _and is over the moon, babbling about how much talent she has, showing her off to Mommy and Atticus. Amelia blushes brightly, because what sixteen year old wants her parents to read her poems? But Daddy won't stop smiling and babbling, and he seems so happy, and Atticus doesn't really say a word but smiles, and Mommy is just proud of her, and she doesn't think she's ever felt like this before- As if everything in the world is right and she can just do as she pleases and be who she wants to be.

* * *

Mommy is more nervous than Daddy when they meet Sam for the first time.

Amelia answers the door nervously, but at the sight of Sam- Long, cascading waves of brown hair and glittering brown eyes- she feels it all drain from her. Sam is beautiful. And so comforting.

"Hey." She greets her, taking her hand to tug her inside. Sam seems pretty nervous, too.

"Hi, Mel." Sam replies, using the nickname for Amelia she had that nobody else has ever dared use.

"Ready?"

Sam smiles. "Ready."

(Sam and Daddy get on like a house on fire, wit firing back and forth like crazy. Mommy joins in every now and then, but seems to prefer sitting back and studying Amelia, like she's found something worth seeing.)

(Bizarrely, Atticus seems to develop a crush on Sam.)

* * *

Amelia never read the books her Daddy wrote for Mommy. They'd never really let her- Blood and death and that- and once Natasha, three months ago, informed her there were sex scenes, she was sincerely put off the idea. It was bad enough imagining her Dad writing a sex scene, let alone one between him her and Mommy.

But she reads the dedications every time.

Extraordinary, he calls her Mommy. Just like they call her and Atticus special and important.

She reads the dedications because she writes, too, and she wants to know what love looks like in writing. Oh, of course, she adores Sam- But it's not love, not quite yet.

And each dedication gets better than the last. There's even one for her. _To my brave Amelia, who coped._

There's one for Atticus, too. _To my kind Atticus, who loved._

But the ones for her Mommy are the best. Tangible. Love in it's best form. She remembers the words and the tone and style because she needs to learn, but she finds herself crying over how ridiculously in love her parents are.

And then there's the last one- the last Nikki Heat. Daddy chose to stop writing Nikki Heat because, he says, she had reached her eventual end of being a detective. (She thinks it's more to do with the fact Mommy was only years from choosing to resign.)

And the last one- oh, the last one. It steals her breath away. Because it's so raw and simple and perfect.

_To my Mother, who believed in me.  
To Alexis, who makes me proud every day.  
To Katherine Junior, who keeps me young.  
To Amelia, who told me first.  
To Atticus, who makes me think twice.  
And to Kate, who chose me._

_Thank you for making my dreams real, Mrs Castle._

* * *

When graduation comes, at eighteen and wearing the ridiculous outfit she has too, Amelia realises that her life has just been one big happy blur.

Her turn comes (unlike Alexis, she wasn't a brainbox who got the speech, but she's really pleased about that. Alexis is the smart kid. Amelia's the kid that writes. And Atticus- Well, he's Atticus.) and her palms are sweating like crazy, even though Sam is two people behind her and giving her one of those outrageously gorgeous grins of hers.

She clambers onto the stage and shakes hands and does, well, whatever it is she does, it's all a big happy blur again. And then it's over, and she's climbing down the other side of the stage, and catches her Mom's glittering with tears eyes in the crowd. The love held there is so raw and real. It makes her feel special. Important. Just like both Mommy and Daddy had always told her she was. Now she's starting to believe it- even if it's just a look in Mommy's eyes, or a proud smile on Daddy's face.

After all the celebrations and the throwing of hats and the speeches, she finally gets to go celebrate with her family.

Daddy's crying. Mommy's crying. Alexis is crying. Grams is crying. Atticus looks happy. Katherine, at the young age of nine, seems confused as to why everybody's crying.

For some reason, even though she meant to go hug her parents first, (Mommy looks so proud and Daddy too, as well as both wearing the same looks of disbelief over how much time that's passed) it's Atticus she reaches for. He's thirteen and vaguely disgusted at hugging his sister usually, but he's not at this time. They just hold each other tightly, and Amelia finds herself crying. She's been so stupid. She'd always appreciated her Mommy being alive because she'd been so close to death. She'd always appreciated her Daddy being alive because he'd followed Mommy there half the time. She's always appreciated Alexis being alive because she lives so far away. But she had never stopped and realised how much she appreciated Atticus. The one who had always been there.

Atticus would always be fair and always be kind, her parents had said.

Well, here was the little boy who she'd grown up with as a little girl. Only, neither of them are that little anymore. They were both big now. No longer was she the one to sleep beside him when he missed Mommy, no longer was she the one he clung to when he tried to walk, no longer was she his first word.

But she's still his sister.

And she loves him with all her nostalgic little heart.


End file.
